HOW TO MAKE A F***ING FIRE
Step 1. Don't panic.
Step 2. Gather a sh** ton of dry pines, brush, pinecones, and twigs into a pile in the middle of your fire pit.
Step 3. Loosely lay 2-3 smaller kindling pieces in a cute little pyramid formation over your tinder pile.
Step 4. Rip up some paper (grocery bags, newspapers, photos of your ex), and toss them under your kindling pyramid.
Step 5. Use a long a$$ lighter to light a few sections of your tinder.
Step 6. Blow, honey, blow.
Step 7. Once your kindling catches fire, angle 1-2 larger logs on top, and add occasionally to keep the fire going.
Step 8. Sit back, say "Damn, I'm good," and roast that mutherf***ing marshmallow.